When you have nothing to say, write anyway…

Anothing-to-say"Most of us have two lives.  The life we live, and the unlived life within us.
"  Steven Pressfield

"Give us what you got!"  Steven Pressfield

Ok, I have nothing for you today.  And if I'm going to take Pressfield's words seriously, I think I know why.  Yes, life has been MORE than hectic lately.  I was sitting, sipping a glass of Merlot last night with Vicky and I was double tracking…listening to her and participating in our conversation but something more was happening.  I was taking an inventory of how I've been disconnected from so many people and things that give me life of late.  I haven't had some life giving conversations with key people in my family…my daughter, son and dad.  I haven't checked in with some people I love because I never walk away from some time with them without feeling challenged and encouraged.  I looked at my bookshelf and missed reading some books that are actually enjoyable and disconnected from anything that has to do with work.  I've been lax at playing guitar lately…just keeping up with weekly demands.  So, there is that "unlived" life…the one I was hoping to live but didn't have have time to live it.

There was a pivotal moment last week where I received a phone call telling me that a dear friend had died of a heart attack.  I had meant to drop by and see her last week…in fact, it was the day before she passed away that I had the inclination.  But life was on a "dead run"…I missed the opportunity to live life because I was doing, doing, doing and doing some more.  I've been taking more and more words to heart of how to live the unlived life and you know the only conclusion I've come to – you (I) have to SLOW DOWN.  And truthfully, I don't know how to do it.  I'm a "white knuckle" guy who feels alive when the pressure is on.  But let me tell you something…I used to appear to be at my best when the pace was high and demands were surfacing my gifts humming at productive RPMs.  But now…all the intensity is doing is robbing me of life moments and making me resentful.  So, I'm doing what Pressfield also said above,  giving you (and me) what I got.  I really don't have much to say…you would think I would have realized that before I have written down over 400 words as of this moment.  But I really don't…I have my stack on my desk staring me in the face…I have my "to do" list looking ominously at me as it sits idlely by my printer and I have a TON of equipment on a table across the room that is shouting "install me."  I have classes to grade, courses to prepare, messages to write and people to see.  All the stuff is robbing me of life…OR is life in the midst of all this "stuff?"  You know, I'm going to try to pray this through today.  I'm going to do my best to figure it out as I go and maybe, just maybe, I'll get to the end of the day and say that life was "lived."  

So, how's that for having nothing to say…

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