This is more of a personal journal entry than what I've come to anticipate as a general "blog" post. It is what it is today primarily because for some who read this blog, they do so because "we" (the reader and myself) have some level of personal connectedness…a relationship that is meaningful to both of us. I read their blog and emails prayerfully and lovingly and they do likewise. So, it is in that spirit that today's post begins to take shape:
It's been a while since I've really felt "engaged" in Kingdom work. There are many reasons for that…some of which have to do with the issue of "seasons" in life. Since 2008, I've been knee-deep in a transitional season – moving in new ways, attempting to listen for new leadings, trying to be obedient in the moment without making assumptions. In addition, over the past months, the Lord has led me into a sphere of influence where some of my gifts and passions are being utilized…that has been a good thing. Trust me…it really has been a good thing! Why? Because there is nothing more thrilling, humbling and fulfilling than knowing that you were created and gifted for a specific impact that God can make in and through you that He has entrusted to no one else. So, some gifts and passions have been leveraged in the sphere of influence in which we find ourselves at this point in "our" lives (that would be Vicky and myself)…but…but some are not…in fact, some are pretty much lying dormant. You see, it is that part of my life and heart that concerns me the most at this stage of my journey. You see, something has been missing…I'm sure it isn't the "playing field" because all ministry settings have pretty much unlimited potentiality. The issue for us has more to do with other realities that go along with the actual circumstances and settings of ministry. I've seen it time and again in many other people's lives…they desire to utilize their gifts…to fully share the manner in which they were wired up by God…but there are walls…barriers…politics…"ownership" issues that actual prevent them for being fully engaged. Now, I'm not going to succumb to the temptation to blame or point fingers at any one reality…I knew going in that this "season" was going to be a season of service in an arena that would have to be led and opened up by the Holy Spirit. Praise God that He opened that door. And I really feel that I've prayerfully and patiently attempted to be faithful to God's calling in this season. But the times are changing – I've been sensing a growing "gnawing" and yearning in my soul…and after hours of thought and prayer and conversation, I think that gnawing in my heart has more to do with the fact that I feel like I'm more than ready to get on with fully using the gifts, abilities and passions that God has so graciously blessed me with…the time for sitting on the bench is over. I'm game ready and itching to get back into it for the long haul at full velocity, intensity, and intentionality. Now the question is – where is that going to be able to happen? What is the sphere where we will sense that God has "opened doors that no one can shut" (see Revelation 2 and 3)? So, Vicky and I are listening and watching…we want to be about those works that are in alignment to what the Lord is already doing. We want so much to have ears to hear and eyes to see what God wants for us at this season in our Kingdom journey.
So that is pretty much it! That's what I'm praying for…and I know that the time is coming soon…does that make sense?