She’ll do all the work…I’ll take some credit

My friend Heidi is reading Parker Palmer’s Hidden Wholeness.  Great great great book…I read it a couple of years ago…so, since she is quoting memorable sections on her blog and doing all that work, I’m going to cut and paste some sections here.  Hey, give me credit.  At least I’m reading her blog before I rip it off and post the quotes on mine!  A guy has to save some time occasionally!

"… The deeper your issue goes, the less likely it is that my advice
will be of any real value. I may know how to fix your car or help you
write a paper, but I do not know how to salvage your failed marriage,
or save you from despair. My answer to your deepest difficulties merely
reflects what I would do if I were you, which I am not. And even if I
were your psychospiritual clone, my solution would be of little use to
you unless it arose from within your soul and you claimed it as your
own.In the face of your deepest questions… our habit of advising
each other reveals its shadow side. If the shadow could speak its
logic, I think it would say something like this: "If you take my
advice, it will surely solve your problem. If you take my advice but
fail to solve your problem, you did not try hard enough. If you fail to
take my advice, I did the best I could. So I am covered. Not matter how
things come out, I no longer need to worry about you or your vexing
problem."  The shadow behind the "fixes" we offer for issues hat we
cannot fix, ironically, the desire to hold each other at bay. It is a
strategy for abandoning each other while appearing to be concerned.
Perhaps this explains why one of the most common laments of your time
is that "no one really sees me, hears me, or understands me." How can
we understand another when instead of listening deeply, we rush to
repair that person in order to escape further involvement? The sense of
isolation and invisibility that marks so many lives– not least the
lives of young people, whom we constantly try to fix– is due in part
to a mode of "helping" that allows us to dismiss each other.When
you speak to me about your deepest questions, you do not want to be
fixed or saved: you want to be seen and heard, to have your truth
acknowledged and honored. If your problem is soul-deep, your soul alone
knows what you need to do about it, and my presumtuous advice will only
drive your soul back into the woods. So the best service I can render
when you speak to me about such a struggle is to hold you faihfully in
a space where you can lisen to your inner teacher."

One thought on “She’ll do all the work…I’ll take some credit

  1. I went to check my bloglines this morning and thought to myself, “hm, I wonder who’s blog Rob is ripping off today?” and low and behold, it is mine. I suppose I should let you, considering it is your book and your recommendation and it gives me a third chance to read it and make sure I mean it, right? haha. I’m glad you are enjoying my read…

    Like

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